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Thursday, 19 January 2012

To reduce bar time, or not to reduce. . . That was our question!

So, as I was saying before. We are making a trip after 3 months to follow up with Dr. Logan, and Jennifer (RN), and our friends at RMH. Our best case scenario at this point is that they will let us reduce the amount of time in the brace to night and nap time wear (12-14 hours a day) worst case scenario was they would have to do the surgery again or put her back in casts. We were also prepared for a reduction in the amount of time she would be in the brace to even just 2 or 3 hours a day as a dear friend of mine was told. Her little one has bilateral clubfoot just like Lilybear, and had been told a few weeks before that they wanted him to be able to pull himself standing in the brace before a major reduction in wearing time. So off we go, hoping for the best, and hoping that we have prepared ourselves enough for the worst.

Waiting for our turn to see Dr. Logan at the IWK was horrid. I just wanted this appointment over with so I would know what was to come. I hate not knowing what is going to happen next.  Finally they call in our Lilybear, and he takes a look at her feet. I mentioned to him that her feet were still slipping in her boots, and that threw up a red flag for him I guess. He examined her heels a bit closer, and advised that he would like to get some X-Rays done of her heels to ensure that they were both still in the corrected position. I was thinking in the back of my mind, "ok, he's not sure. So I won't get upset till we know for sure"

To speak about the awesomeness of the IWK, what would have taken weeks back home, took less than an hour at the IWK. We were sent for X-Rays. By the time we got to the X-Ray dept, they already had the room prepped for Lilybean. We were seen and X-Rays taken in about 15-20 minutes from Dr. Logan's request. Then it was back to Orthopedics for the verdict. The systems are all computerized there so they had the X-Ray in like 90 seconds, crazy fast! Dr Logan took a look at them and then broke my heart all over again. "So it appears as though we have lost all the correction in her left foot. The right foot is still perfect though. So what we will need to do is release the heel cord again, and we will also have her fitted for a Mitchell brace for when the casts come off."

I thought I was prepared for this, but I sure as hell wasn't. I dissolved into tears right there in front of Dr. Logan, Jennifer, DH, and the girls. Peanut got pretty upset as she is not used to seeing me cry. DH, being the rock he is held it together for the sake of the girls and me. One of the many reasons I love that man with all of my heart! They explained that they would get her in asap for the tenotomy, and we would be booking OR time again. My heart just kept breaking with every statement they made. What did I do wrong? Should I have noticed something to prevent this? How could I make my baby girl go back into casts again? Back into surgery again? This had to be a bad dream, but there was no waking up. I signed all the waivers, and they said they would call as soon as they found time in the OR for her. Lilybear was fitted for her new brace, and we were on out way home. I drove us out of Halifax, trying to hold back the tears. DH took over driving for me, and I cried on and off most of the way home. I felt very responsible even though everyone was telling me it wasn't my fault. I still think it maybe was. Maybe I should have asked if we could go back sooner? Maybe I didn't catch her foot fast enough one day that it slipped? who knows. . . I guess we never will really know. Dr. Logan said these things can happen sometimes, so perhaps there really wasn't anything that I could do about it.

All I can really say at this point is that I am so grateful for my DH. I love that man with all my heart for being there every step of this long journey. I am so lucky to have wonderful parents that care so much for me and my little family. I am grateful for friends that I may not see everyday, but are always there to listen and love when I need them. I am grateful for the prayers, and positive vibes from the gals from my babycenter facebook group! You guys are awesome! Thanks to all of you who have listened, and offered words of encouragement along the way. You have no idea how much it has meant to me, and helped me through all of this.

And now the waiting game. . . tick tock tick tock. . . when will we get that call for her surgery? They told us with in two weeks. . .

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